When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
