He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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