Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
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