i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
