What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Randomize
