Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
your like the ambassador to my penis.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize
