My first STD was from a foam party
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
