You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
