Will you blow on my dice?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
