wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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