at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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