hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
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