What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
accomplished twins. life is a go
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
