Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Randomize