how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
