I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
