yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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