Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize