And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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