If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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