When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
how do flat chested girls get laid?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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