bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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