You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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