if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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