he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
