and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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