when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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