after a month anything with tits is on the radar
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
