You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
