Tell her she can't have a vagina
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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