Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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