Swine flu. Run for my life!
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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