Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
