You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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