420 ftw
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize