So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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