Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
