I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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