A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize