You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
