you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
