I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
