FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
