I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
