My hand turned me down
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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