You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
