question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
