A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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