Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
That's when you crack a 10am beer
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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