yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
