im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
