Your face is a jimmy john
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
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