That's when you crack a 10am beer
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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