Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
