we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
