When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
