How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
