does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
