Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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