well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
