do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
