Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
