I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
bring money and cleavage
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
