Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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