Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
