I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
