I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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