I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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