we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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