Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
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