so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
