ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
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