I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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