i may or may not be watching the land before time
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize