i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
