yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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