and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
