I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
me + whiskey = a bad person
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
