I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
