i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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