My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
