what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
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