hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
We left the knife in your bed.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
