i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
It's blow job season.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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