Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize