he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Welp...herpes.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
