He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
