Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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