Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
