you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize