wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Randomize
