the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I enjoy the company of your penis
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
