he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
