she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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