so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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